One Day

Sometimes I lay under the moon and thank God I'm breathing;

Then I pray, "Don't take me soon, 'cause I am here for a reason."

Sometimes, in my tears I drown, but I never let it get me down.

So when negativity surrounds, I know some day it'll all turn around, because...

All my life I've been waiting for, I've been praying for, for the people to say

That we don't wanna fight no more; there'll be no more wars and our children will play.

One day, one day, one day...

It's not about win or lose, because we all lose when they feed on the souls of the innocent,

Blood-drenched pavement; keep on moving through, the waters stay raging...

In this maze you can lose your way; it might drive you crazy, but don't let it faze you, no way...

Sometimes, in my tears I drown, but I never let it get me down.

So when negativity surrounds, I know some day it'll all turn around, because...

All my life I've been waiting for, I've been praying for, for the people to say

That we don't wanna fight no more; there'll be no more wars and our children will play.

One day, one day, one day...

One day this all will change; treat people the same, stop with the violence, down with the hate.

One day we'll all be free and proud to be under the same sun,

Singing songs of freedom like...

All my life I've been waiting for, I've been praying for, for the people to say

That we don't wanna fight no more; there'll be no more wars and our children will play.

One day, one day, one day...

Pursuing Peace

I love reading TIME magazine.  They cover news from all around the globe, illustrate figures with infographics (oh, how I love looking at them!), and provide a bit of humor, too (thanks, Joel Stein).

This week, TIME's article, "2014 User's Guide" has some exciting predictions for this year:

• The U.S. Capitol building will begin a two-year restoration process.
• Google Glass will reach national levels of distribution.
• El Nino (Spanish for... "the Nino") will warm the Pacific to record temperatures.
• Kohlrabi will replace kale as the trendy, hipster vegetable of the year.
• More states will legalize recreational marijuana (OR, CA, AZ, and RI, in particular).
• Private space exploration companies will continue to probe the cosmos.
• Girls born in 2014 will have names ending in "-lyn, as in Marilyn or Madilyn."  Children born this year may, for the first time in history, have a shorter life expectancy than their parents... due to obesity.
• Skype will replace non-emergency doctor visits.  Doctors can asses symptoms and diagnose illnesses through "telemedicine" - a technology that's actually been used for years to serve remote fishermen along the Gulf of Maine, by the nurses of the Maine Seacoast Mission.

Besides all these global happenings...  What will you do this year?

It's a question I have been asking myself.

I've been pondering a statement that TIME quoted, from Pope Francis:  "True peace is not... a lovely 'facade' which conceals conflicts and divisions.  Peace calls for daily commitment."

Pope Francis echoes the words of Psalm 34:14:  "Seek peace and pursue it."  As I consider my goals for 2014, a life of peace seems a worthy endeavor.  More than that, a daily commitment to prayer and seeking Christ's peace will be my goal for the year.

Scripture calls us to live peaceably with our neighbor.  Again, peace isn't merely the absence of conflict, but a daily commitment to support and love one another.

Romans 12:17-18 - "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.  If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
II Corinthians 13:11 - "Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."

God reconciles His people to Himself; and He also wants His people to be reconciled to one another.  This can take place at the family level... and at a global level.  A huge part of living a wise, peaceful life is praying for our neighbors and our leaders.

"I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way."  (I Timothy 2:1-2)  This year, I will pray for those in need of reconciliation, and will work toward restoration with those in my own life.  Won't you join me?

Pray for peace in places like Sudan (where civil war rages) and Uganda (whose government has enacted violent land grabs from its agrarian citizens - see SolidarityUganda.com for more info).  Pray for the U.S. government to end its reckless policing of countries around the globe.  Pray for local communities to join in unity, strangers joining as friends supporting one another. Pray for the end of oppression and exploitation.  Pray for missionaries and churches to reach out, love those around them, and bring the peace of Christ to many.

My prayer is that God will change me, giving me more compassion for His people and endurance in prayer. Not only is prayer necessary for peacemaking, but prayer can indeed lead to a deep, godly inner peace. Philippians 4 tells us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I pray that God gives me the wisdom to work toward peace. As I enter a new season in a new place, it will be essential to lean upon the Lord and His wisdom as I seek peaceable relationships with new friends, co-workers, and neighbors. In the fall, I'll begin grad school - academically studying the Word of God. I pray that this new wisdom will bring me a softened heart and hands prepared to work toward reconciliation.

James 3:17-18 - "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.  And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

May 2014 be filled with the pursuit of knowledge, compassion, and humility... with much prayer... to better love and serve those around us in peace.

[Be sure to check out other bloggers' aspirations for the coming year at I Don't Have a Clue, but I'm Finding Out!]

Carolina in My Mind

...also, in reality.

Husband (Hubby?  Hubskin?  Hub?) and I spent a week adventuring around Charlotte.  Our intent was to learn more about our grad school and to find somewhere to live.  We thought we'd spend long days perusing dozens of apartments...

...but we fell in love with the first one we saw.

Four things we experienced for the first time:

1. Burning a Christmas tree - MUCH more exciting than composting it.

2. A January thunderstorm - I did NOT know this was possible.

3. Someone calling the Civil War "the war of Northern aggression."  (What does that even mean?). Apparently, Southerners continue - to this day - to justify a war that took place 150 years ago by it being about states' freedom to choose... to enslave people.  This makes NO sense to me.

4. Shrimp & grits.  This was the best thing I have EVER eaten.

All in all, I am pumped to move to the South.  There is such a deep culture of both music and food (when asked what some of my favorite PA foods were, I replied, "...cheeseteak?  Hershey's?  Scrapple?"  Penna Dutch cooking has NOTHING on that of the South) and many, many lovely people.  Getting into seminary to truly learn the Bible and how to study it is fueling my sense of adventure and anticipation for ministry.  "For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding."  (Proverbs 2:6)

Feeling a sense of solidarity with Mr. Taylor...

Can't you feel the sunshine?

Can't you just feel the moonshine?

Change of Address

Well, my husband and I loaded up the ol' Uhaul again this weekend.  It was our second move within the year, and it won't be our last.

No longer in remote Centre County (home to Amish farmers and Penn State), we're living in exurban West Chester.  There is plenty to do here!  The county is filled with apple orchards, independent dairies, wineries, breweries, art galleries, restaurants and markets specializing in local whole foods.  It's a pretty hoppin' place!  And it's pretty great that we don't have to drive forty-five minutes to get to town now.

Although we'll live here only temporarily, we are both excited to enjoy some culture, a time of rest (a "winter break," if you will), and time with family and friends (we can even go to visit some by train!).  Huzzah!

Crazy Fall

 We are crazy.  My husband and I are crazy.  We've been from Maine to Miami in the past two months.  Who does that?  We dipped our paddles into the frigid Gulf of Maine, then dove into the bathwater-warm Gulf of Mexico.  "Why?" you may ask.  Well...

We did camp this summer.  That means we worked 18 hours days 6 days a week for three months.  It was fun.  It was also exhausting.  After the summer, we headed up to Maine to our usual spot:  the family place at Petit Manan Point.  It's Down East.  It was cold.  We bundled up in many layers of L.L. Bean gear and did hiking, boating, reading, and sleeping.  We ate lobster:

After all that fun, we returned to Central PA, and decided that from there, we wanted to hit up the Great White North.  Oh, yes.  I had never been to Canada before - what a beautiful, exotic land!  Along the way, we hit up the Niagara, New York area, exploring wineries and visiting the Falls.  The Falls are SO impressive.  I definitely recommend a visit there, if you can.  We also got to stop at the Corning Museum of Glass, where art and science collide and shatter into a million brilliant pieces.

at CMOG

Toronto Harbour

CN Tower, in Toronto

 So, we finally got to Canada; we finally got to get donuts and a coffee at Tim Horton's (after an earlier misadventure all over Rhode Island - our GPS lies to us sometimes); finally got to use our passports at a border crossing.  The city of Toronto seemed pretty great, but we didn't want to spend money on anything cultural, so we pretty much just ate and walked around.  We did discover something called Poutine.  Poutine!!  It's an incredible concoction of French fries... covered in gravy and cheese.  Oh, yum.  I could eat it daily.

Another discovery included the fact that the stereotypes one hears of Canadians are true:  1.  they are so polite.  2.  they love donuts.

The reason we went to Florida after all this northern nonsense was that over the summer we had been called to help work at a conference at Disney World.  Oh boy!  The magic!

We got a little taste of the typical Disney magic, but spend 98% of the week inside the air-conditioned hotel conference center.  The trip to Florida, however, afforded us the opportunity to visit some camp friends, which was awesome.  Florida is a crazy place.  Two friends go to school in Tampa, and two just moved to the Fort Lauderdale area.  I think they are a bit crazy for doing so!  It is SO hot there; even in late October, it was 90 degrees and insanely humid.  Also, getting around town can be nightmarish at best.  All the worst drivers from New York and New Jersey retire there, so careening around town is a complete free-for-all.  Every car ride was a stressful experience.  Because the Sunshine State consists of cities built between sandy shorelines and swamp, every town is very crowded.  Sprawling suburbia with a zillion shopping centers as far as the eye can see - until you get to the Everglades.  The Everglades were beautiful in their quiet, besides calling birds and fan-boat motors.  We did an air-boat ride to see the alligators, which was fun; although our captain/guide was feeding popcorn to the birds to attract them to the boat.  I think that's kind of counter-productive to conservation, right?  Well, we didn't see a gator eat any of the birds.  Besides that, we swam in the ocean and got to see our fabulous friends!  In short, Florida has fun stuff to do, but I could not see myself retiring there.  It is vacationland, indeed.  Oh wait, that's Maine's title.

Besides all the fun and adventures, we did take the opportunity to visit some graduate schools in the South.  The idea for this came from my memory of every Pennsylvania winter and how much I dislike the slush.  The promise of warmth and very little snow is rather appealing!  Anyways, we visited three schools in North Carolina and one in Virginia.  I also reconnected with an old-time camp friend who highly recommended that school; and we were so glad to hear of her and her husband's experience there!  We also had a great visit with our admissions guide, Harrison Ford (for reals).  Filling out applications now... we're going to give it a shot!

In short, the past two months have been rife with adventure (and driving!) and we are grateful for hospitable friends, generous employers, and God's provision and sovereignty.  Looking forward to where He'll take us next!  We have learned that Florida is fun, North Carolina is warm and promising, but Maine is still The Way Life Should Be.

November again

It is November already!  A month of traveling caused me to basically forget that October existed.  I missed Halloween!  For the first time... ever?  I think ever, indeed.

I find myself beginning applications to graduate schools.  Essay-writing, proving myself, telling my story...  it kind of comes naturally and conversationally, but I also feel odd in trying to sell myself.

"Accept me!  I'm really great!  I am smart!"

S-M-R-T

So... November will be spent writing essays, sending out reference letter forms, and packing.  Packin' it on up!  I feel like we just moved here, anyway.  Back to the liquor & grocery stores for boxes we go!

This month:

October will be spent traveling.  My husband and I concluded our summer of directing a camp (three months of s'mores, energizers, crazy college students and curious children) and are very minimally employed.  We still live at the camp.  We serve retreat groups on the weekends, but our weekdays are completely unscheduled.

As much as we enjoy hiking the grounds of our camp, we have seen it all - so we are seeking new places to explore.  In September, we went up to Maine (as usual) and got to check out the towns of Eastport and Winter Harbor (not the usual).  Last week, we did a spontaneous excursion to Niagara Falls and Toronto.  Let me tell you, that was THRILLING.  I have never been to Canada before; it was the second time I've used my passport.  All the Canadian stereotypes you've heard ("Have a donut, eh!") are true! Oh, and Niagara Falls was pretty awesome/beautiful/impressive/marvelous, too.

Anyways, as we're looking to what to do next with our lives, the prospect of grad school keeps appearing faintly on the horizon.  School!  Again!!  I so loved the academic life.  Even though I did fine arts for my bachelor's degree, what I truly loved were history classes, and specifically, art history classes.  The thought of sitting through lectures, scribbling furiously - as I had done for so many years of my life before! - is rather titilating. Arouse my intellect once more, o' university!

So this leads us to October.  We will spend three weeks traveling throughout the southeast, visiting as many schools as we can.  Many of these are in the Charlotte area.  The thought of dedicating myself once more to study - in an even warmer environment (more outdoor playtime!  longer garden growing season!  grits!  barbecue!)  is very, very intriguing.  I am not sure whether it's feasible financially, whether it will make a difference on the future of our careers (maybe each of us will actually acquire a career along the way?)... but I will find out soon!

On travel

Although my heart desires travelling into the unknown, I haven't been to very many different places.  Spring break trips with a college ministry group took me and friends to Florida, West Virginia and Texas.  Dallas, Texas, I would say, is the most "different" place (from homestate PA) I've seen.  Excursions to Maine have been a part of almost every summer in my teen to adult life.

This year, I'm looking forward to seeing the Dominican Republic, possibly San Antonio, and Maine, once again.  I'd love to add in more adventures, though; to see more of this country than I've considered.  I feel a call to the West:  California, Washington, Colorado, Oregon...  I'd love to make it to those places someday soon!  To see canyons, deserts, redwood forests and the Pacific ocean would add so much to my personal experience of the world.

A recent aquisition of mine:  a Passport.  Never had owned one before.  It's a ticket to anywhere in the world, so long as it's backed by funding for a plane ticket.  How does one travel internationally on a small budget?

Perhaps I can finally expand my travels to, finally, the Great White North.  :o)

Weddings comprised most of the excitement of 2011.  My own eleven-month engagement took prime focus for most of the year, in addition to serving as a bridesmaid (or rather, matron?) for dear friend Bridget in November and enjoying Adam & Kate's wedding on 12/30/2011.  2012 will bring high school friend Lauren's wedding in March, Monica's Hawaiian elopement in May and Jake's wedding in June (with Greg serving as Best Man), as well as plans for my sister Sarah's wedding to take place on 4/13/2013.

Is this the time of life during which a lot of folks wed, naturally?  Mid-twenties seems to be all the rage for matrimony, nowadays.  However, our parents' generation may have exchanged their vows from age 19 to 30.  Do young people nowadays just consider 24-27 to be the best time to settle down with someone? 



The end of 2011 is nigh...

Most of 2011 I spent working and preparing for marriage.  Having a single wedding day requires much work to be done beforehand!  It's just amazing how the weight of planning and preparation laid on our backs for most of the year, and evaporated within 24 hours, when it came.  Settling into married life has been interesting... with much joy and a few arguments along the way.

Work has been... work:  pumping out shots of organic, fairly traded espresso for the masses who don't care much about coffee's origins at all.  I've undertaken quite a bit of the marketing "department" at the shop, which is at least a miniscule outlet for creativity.  Besides that, it's making sandwiches, filling sacks with coffee beans, cooking bacon and whipping up 20 pounds of hummus at a time.

When do I figure out what I really want to do with my life??  2012?

discontent

Dear friend & college apartmentmate Meghan came to town to hang with me last night.  I rather enjoyed our conversation, catching up on life and ambitions and conquests and dreams.  She kept stating how she missed living in Kutztown, how quaint & quiet it is, how pastoral and friendly.

I find I'm becoming disinterested.

Many folk around here are quite happy and do good in marrying and making babies.  But there are others out there living what I dream about; traveling the country, getting a master's degree, homesteading, having decent full-time jobs.

When will I get there?  Living the dream?

springtime

It is spring in Pennsylvania and green and yellow bleed into my sight everywhere I look.  I drove the back roads betwixt farm & field yesterday on my way to Echo Hill country store and the fields of green were wrecked with dandelion debris.   The pollen floats on the breeze invisibly into every runny nose and itchy eye.  That, I have heard, is at the most ridiculously high levels we've seen in years.  Something like that.

At the present moment, I am searching for a[n additonal] job for the summer.  Parts of my heart long to work at a summer camp, reaching out to kids and spending every moment climbing mountains and searching streams, but I do also feel called to Kutztown and to continuing ministry [hopefully] to the great people I work with at the art stuff store.  They're a beautiful group of women whom I want to love on; I really do enjoy growing into deeper friendships with them and the conversations we have when there are few customers in the store.

Because of this, it seems a 'small' job in town would be the best way to go as far as a little increase in income goes.  I applied for an internship at an organic farm [with professional resume & kickass cover letter], and I'll ask for applications to the little cafes & ice cream shops & boutiques up & down Main Street.  Perhaps I'll market myself for an au pair job.  I'm really looking to work Thursday through Saturday to create a complete work week.  It's nice having more time to work on painting, but the skin on my hands craves clay, and acrylic or oil cannnot satisfy.

Or I'll bake and bake bread, fill a cart & go up & down the street trying to sell my delicious loaves.  Were that a well-paying job, I'd employ myself immediately.

Also, I'm currently accepting ideas for part-time jobs.  Anyone hiring??

failure

failure:  emily drinks real milk, phil drinks real milk,
    french dairy farmers of 1944 drink real milk; 
    milk is boiled to scorching, milk is skimmed
    milk is bleached, milk is tainted. 

failure:  using coordinates & clues &
    global positioning units for geocaching for hours & finding nothing.

failure:  reading "best meteor shower of the decade", reading "11 pm to 4 am",
    not reading "best view around 4 am", seeing only 4 shooting stars.

failure:  setting goals, breaking goals daily,
    seeking help in the wrong place, self righteousness, self decay.

failure:  landlord remodeling, research demographics &
    rent rates, nowhere to go, close store, lay off employees.

failure:  job searching, another opportunity for failure?

aspiration:  new job, new town, more meteors;
    drinking real fresh milk straight from the milk bucket.

wealth

i see a t.v. preacher promoting his 'financial breakthrough bible' and the 'four miracles god will release into your life'. before that, he proclaimed God's coming judgement on the u.s. for its inappropriate sex and abortion.

i look once more at this man, shouting into his microphone, wearing a great big red silk tie, an enormous gold ring on his finger, and an expensive-looking suit that covers his enormous body.

my confession:  i eat more than my body needs.  it's true.  where in my caloric intake does ice cream play a part in aiding the nutrition of my body?  it does not.  i call myself out: i'm a sinner who eats more than i need to.

the increasing reality of americans' obsession with food can be clearly seen in their volume.  cars become suvs [for suburban commuters] to accomodate the size of passengers.  rollercoasters now boast rows of larger seats for their guests.  tv channels that once provided science education now air programs about 800+ pound persons' addictions to take-out, their bed-bound lives, their gastric bypass surgeries, and their deaths.

it is easy to point out obese people and their obvious problem: food addiction.  but we must think on our own selves as well.  how much are we eating?  what money are we spending frivolously that could be used to help the poor - as Jesus asks us to?

if one person who purchases a cup of coffee three to four times a week gives up the java and puts that money towards a poor child; that person could sponsor a kid in africa for his or her education, healthcare, food and more... for years.

Jesus calls us to love God and love our neighbor.  more specifically, He calls us to do three things to honor God:  pray, give, fast.  i admit, i struggle to do all three of those.  it may be difficult because of the implications our western society puts on us as its citizens, fueling our selfish, sinful nature.

1. pray - prayer constitutes the simple act of quieting the mind and communing with God. listening to Him, and speaking with Him [beyond asking for trivial things & saying thanks for dinner].  how do we achieve quiet?  put down the crackberry, hush the tweeting, log off of facebook.  turn off the mobile phone, step outside, lie down in the grass and be quiet.  do that for more than 10 minutes and find out how much you hear.

2. give - God wants us to take care of the misfortunate because it brings honor to His name.
  instinct tells us that the man on the street asking for change will use it the next minute to buy booze or crack.  does Jesus ask us to judge what he'll do with that money?  if we're honest with ourselves, as much as we think we work hard to "earn" money, we can't deny that God gave us the skills... and provided education... and put us in the job... and He's the one who truly earned us our paychecks.  the earth is the Lord's, and everything in it.  even two dollars in your pocket belongs to God - let His will be done when we give to strangers.

3. fast - this one is the most oft ignored among american Christ-followers.  we don't think about *not* eating, mostly because we have in our country a ridiculous abundance of food.  God spoke to the prophet isaiah, telling him that He wants a fast that's pure - a heart that wants to give up food so it can give that food to the hungry.  He says if we do this, "then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear.  then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."  awesome, awesome things happen when we choose the righteous path.  what's holding us back?

deterioration of the fight or flight response

  Fight or flight.  It's what we've been told.  We're expected to do it.  Instinct, as they say.

And you can't say you haven't ever made the subconscious choice and done one or the other or (likely) both.  We're humans; we're confronted; our hearts are put on the line.  A situation arises and that slow burn comes upon our hearts, fueling anger or confusion - pushing us to counter the problem strongly or leave it and run away, hoping to clear our heads and forget it all.

And it can happen any time...

When folks start talking dissenting politics, it's likely a person will argue or leave the room.

At that breaking point, when your most important relationship is under attack, what do you do?  Fight the flesh?  Fight the wife or the husband or the best friend?  Or do you run?  Do you even look back behind you?

We're all succumbed to fighting.  We've all flown off, as well.  It's instinct.  It's human nature.  It's our flesh taking action for us.





But what does the heart say?


Our hearts know that malignant situations come upon us, and that we should solve them rationally, not hurting the other person or thing involved.  We should take time; figure things out.

So, how do we fight the instinct?

Could I do it by myself?

Certainly not.

Without the help and the drive of a perfect person, it's impossible.

How grateful, then, are we to be that the very Spirit of God rests within us.  The very Spirit that can cause mountains to crack & crumble into pieces lives inside you and inside me to calm our inner storms.  He brings us peace & serenity.

His presence moves us not to fight anymore.  We don't have to run away; we run only to Him.

The temptation to lean on our own selves for understanding is, of course, strong and with us.

But we can choose to fall on Him.

We fight and flee no more. 

April 1st

April 1st is the best day of the year to use Gmail/Google. Those guys are great.

So now that it's April, it seems summer approaches more quickly. Currently I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself... advice, please?

Option A :: continue working at Dick Blick
+ relaxed schedule
+ teach classes at Carlisle Arts Learning Center
- Blick doesn't pay a lot (7.50/hr)
+ could earn money teaching at CALC

Option B :: work at Krislund, again
+ being outside for the summer (this is necessary)
+ not living at home
+ hanging out with kids & great people
+ help the new camp director as an alum staff member
- very low pay (0.22/hr)
- quitting Blick, or returning to work in August?

Option C :: potential employment at local state park
+ pays a freakin' lot more (12.75/hr)
+ would involve playing outside for the summer
+ could perhaps continue part time at Blick?
- 1 hour commute (2 hrs daily!)
+ continue involvement at CALC

Option D :: day camp for "at risk" jr. high kids
+ decent wages (8.50/hr) and hours (10-3)
+ fun activities (hiking trips, amusement parks...)
+ loving on kids who need it
+ could work afternoons & weekends at Blick
+ continue involvement at CALC

So that all has been on my mind lately.

Also this summer, if I'm around Camp Hill, I'll be able to continue hanging out with the youth group, which would be sweet. I am definitely going on the summer mission trip, July 18-26 - and hopefully Wallace will be coming as well! Plans may work out that I simply stick around in Maine after that and head east to Petit Manan to spend a few weeks with Greg's family on the coast. Wallace and I area also thinking about doing some sort of white-water rafting trip around here (PA, MD, VA). A summer of adventure!

This morning I made an attempt at vacuuming, but it broke, smoked and made a seriously awful smell. I turned on the bathroom and kitchen vent fans, opened windows, went upstairs for an hour - it still smelled, so I used a name-brand air spray and 2 hours later the scent still lingers lightly. Ew.

Yesterday I went shopping for my good friend Megan, whose bridal shower will take place on Saturday. The proprietor of the lingerie store was very kind and helpful; a lovely woman. Kept telling me how glad she was that I stopped in. Made me wish I had a reason to visit there more often, just to say hello.

I'm quite glad to be able to use the studio space at CALC. Last night I helped Thom with wedging some reclaimed clay and he told me all about teaching opportunities for the center. I can basically just make up a class curriculum, put together a materials list and then they'll make up advertisements for the thing. I got to see the creepy, creepy basement that extends under the entire building and has a cast-iron boiler the size of a steam engine in it, as well as some art materials. Apparently, the back room of the building had been used as a beauty school to get women off the streets in the 1970s - so they took beautician classes upstairs and lived in the basement. I can't imagine how anyone would want to live down there - I'd rather sleep on the sidewalk!!

Anyways, it's wet out, and spring is settling in, soon to dry out (I hope). Looking forward to sunny days, hiking, kayaking, and maybe some bouldering down at White Rocks. I think if I get that state park job I'd get a chance to do some paddling on their lakes. Maybe I'll look into pricing for kayaks...

Sting

and the Police are playing in concert on our television.

Scrapple gurgles around in my stomach after having felt the uncomfortable gaze of a group of girls whom I value and appreciate. They told me how much they'd love to get together for overnights, retreats, hanging out here and in the woods... and then explained that they never are free to do so.

Sting says "yo" a lot in his lyrics.

Of course, I'm re-reading Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts and am really wishing it was summer immediately. December has been so stinkin' mild, it feels like spring should come bursting through the trees at any moment. The idea of two and a half months of ice and dry air discourages me and makes me feel as though I should really appreciate this season more anyway.

The working world sort of compells me to wish for a career as a farmer or cattle herder or something else more natural and basic and necessary. My current job is to convince upper middle class ladies that they need spend more money on frivolous items for their homes. Something more necessary and helpful to people might be more satisfying as a vocation. Especially if it were something that involved spending hours outdoors. I miss that aspect of my summer job. I wonder what I'll do this summer. National Park work sounds more and more delicious every day I think about it.

Well now I'm going to get in the car, spend money on gas, spend free money on coffee, and drive down unknown winding state routes to West Chester and my love.

Not even at a crossroads

Hello friends of the internet,

Now that NaNoWriMo is over (as well as No-Shave November, which I haven't personally concluded) I can do other things with the time I don't spend at work or with people. I ended at 50,062-something words, although my novel isn't near finished. I had kind of mapped out a plot in my mind, and would skip ahead to write different parts, bouncing back and forth so I wouldn't tire of a particular part of the story. Maybe I'll complete the story during next November.

Recently I read the first half of The Secret Life of Bees, recommended to me by Christine Barlow two summers back. Last night I began reading The Lord of the Rings, because this weekend a TV channel aired all three movies of the "trilogy" and I felt my brain could use some stimulation from Tolkien's adventures in language. (Writing my own wimpy book, I could see how awfully limited my own vocabulary is right now - which I attribute to only having been required to write about art during the past four years of my life)

Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. It's much more difficult to discern the call of God when I don't spend time listening. I read Brennan Manning's The Signature of Jesus, in which he described how to do a "centering prayer". It's meditative, and you do it for about twenty minutes at a time, before breakfast or dinner so your soul can connect with the hunger of your body. My problem is that I need a clean, peaceful space to do it, and my room is not in that condition at the moment. I miss the Christopher House in a time like this, because it had the chapel - small, intimate, quiet. Lined with a few chairs, stocked with diverse musical instruments for worship, and with candles always lit, it really felt like a sacred space where we as individuals or the whole fellowship could come for quiet (or loud!) time with the Lord, because that space was created specifically to meet with Him there.

Soon I'll be starting a youth ministry internship at my church, which I'm pretty ecstatic about. It makes me very glad that God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies the called. I'll make curriculums for pre-school through senior high, teach, lead events, work on communications (don't I wish I took some graphic design courses?), and learn how to administrate. My pastor and the elder in charge of youth will be mentoring me through the process, so I'm going to ask that they also keep me accountable for my own spiritual growth, challenging me through this season (ooo, Christian vocab word).

Unpaid internships usually need to be paired with part-time jobs, so that's the thing I worry about. Working at Pier 1 has been a lot of fun, I actually enjoy it a lot, but I'm unure how long employment lasts after the buy-stuff-in-December season ends. (don't you hate having to associate Jesus' birthday with giving gifts to everyone but Him?) The career-building/resume-sending/connect-with-employers websites are okay. Without a degree in nursing or engineering, there aren't many jobs available. There are a few positions as postal workers or typists for the state, so perhaps something like that will hold me over. I feel like I just need a short-term job where I can earn some money to save up for a car; and once I have that, I'll have mobility and I'll be independent and I'll have peace about that.

Saturday was a really cool day because I got to hang out with a bunch of people I graduated high school with, whom I hadn't seen in maybe two or three years. It was hard not to feel discouraged, though, because they're all doing real things, having graduated with real majors that led to real jobs. More (?) importantly, they've all got their own places and aren't living with their parents. Of course, some of them received cars from their parents; something I don't have the luxury of, and also something that keeps me immobilized, tied down.

I know I need this transition period, this internship, because I didn't go to school for what I'm called to do - stupid - so I am hoping to put a lot of energy and effort into mentoring and loving on the kids in my church, and learning as much as I can from this experience so I can go do it, serve where I'm called to serve on my own. I'm still on the road toward the point of decision making, and that intersection seems so far off right now.

Fighting a battle against time is stupid. However, I seem to subconciously enjoy doing that. I feel tied down, like I want to start the great adventure of my life, but I have to save up some money before doing that. I have so many friends who are serving in different ministries around the country, around the world, because they had opportunities to jump out into the unknown in faith, following God with reckless abandon. I want that. I'm crushed under the waiting for it. Hopefully I can bear this all for as long as it takes...