and the Police are playing in concert on our television.
Scrapple gurgles around in my stomach after having felt the uncomfortable gaze of a group of girls whom I value and appreciate. They told me how much they'd love to get together for overnights, retreats, hanging out here and in the woods... and then explained that they never are free to do so.
Sting says "yo" a lot in his lyrics.
Of course, I'm re-reading Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts and am really wishing it was summer immediately. December has been so stinkin' mild, it feels like spring should come bursting through the trees at any moment. The idea of two and a half months of ice and dry air discourages me and makes me feel as though I should really appreciate this season more anyway.
The working world sort of compells me to wish for a career as a farmer or cattle herder or something else more natural and basic and necessary. My current job is to convince upper middle class ladies that they need spend more money on frivolous items for their homes. Something more necessary and helpful to people might be more satisfying as a vocation. Especially if it were something that involved spending hours outdoors. I miss that aspect of my summer job. I wonder what I'll do this summer. National Park work sounds more and more delicious every day I think about it.
Well now I'm going to get in the car, spend money on gas, spend free money on coffee, and drive down unknown winding state routes to West Chester and my love.
high adventure, fearless cooking, insight and humor accumulated throughout a 27-year journey...
31 December 2008
23 December 2008
December
I'm really glad that Phil is taking the opportunity to travel before he gets tied down to a job. He leant me his copy of Through Painted Deserts. I've had time to read the prologue.
December is kind of a negative month. It's filled with stressful adults and children who feel authentic entitlement to greed. I had to figure out a way to switch shifts at work for Christmas eve so I could leave by 4 instead of 6 for West Chester (so I can leave there by 8 or 8:30 to come back here for our big choir gig). That involved finding another person to pick up one of two afternoon shifts. After asking half of the employees at work, St. Amanda agreed to switch from morning to afternoon, so I get to work all day on Friday.
At this point, I'm finishing up with my obligatory late-December gifts. This season makes me wish we were more like hobbits, happy to give voluntary presents to everyone. Hobbits give presents away to the guests at their birthday parties.
December is kind of a negative month. It's filled with stressful adults and children who feel authentic entitlement to greed. I had to figure out a way to switch shifts at work for Christmas eve so I could leave by 4 instead of 6 for West Chester (so I can leave there by 8 or 8:30 to come back here for our big choir gig). That involved finding another person to pick up one of two afternoon shifts. After asking half of the employees at work, St. Amanda agreed to switch from morning to afternoon, so I get to work all day on Friday.
At this point, I'm finishing up with my obligatory late-December gifts. This season makes me wish we were more like hobbits, happy to give voluntary presents to everyone. Hobbits give presents away to the guests at their birthday parties.
02 December 2008
Not even at a crossroads
Hello friends of the internet,
Now that NaNoWriMo is over (as well as No-Shave November, which I haven't personally concluded) I can do other things with the time I don't spend at work or with people. I ended at 50,062-something words, although my novel isn't near finished. I had kind of mapped out a plot in my mind, and would skip ahead to write different parts, bouncing back and forth so I wouldn't tire of a particular part of the story. Maybe I'll complete the story during next November.
Recently I read the first half of The Secret Life of Bees, recommended to me by Christine Barlow two summers back. Last night I began reading The Lord of the Rings, because this weekend a TV channel aired all three movies of the "trilogy" and I felt my brain could use some stimulation from Tolkien's adventures in language. (Writing my own wimpy book, I could see how awfully limited my own vocabulary is right now - which I attribute to only having been required to write about art during the past four years of my life)
Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. It's much more difficult to discern the call of God when I don't spend time listening. I read Brennan Manning's The Signature of Jesus, in which he described how to do a "centering prayer". It's meditative, and you do it for about twenty minutes at a time, before breakfast or dinner so your soul can connect with the hunger of your body. My problem is that I need a clean, peaceful space to do it, and my room is not in that condition at the moment. I miss the Christopher House in a time like this, because it had the chapel - small, intimate, quiet. Lined with a few chairs, stocked with diverse musical instruments for worship, and with candles always lit, it really felt like a sacred space where we as individuals or the whole fellowship could come for quiet (or loud!) time with the Lord, because that space was created specifically to meet with Him there.
Soon I'll be starting a youth ministry internship at my church, which I'm pretty ecstatic about. It makes me very glad that God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies the called. I'll make curriculums for pre-school through senior high, teach, lead events, work on communications (don't I wish I took some graphic design courses?), and learn how to administrate. My pastor and the elder in charge of youth will be mentoring me through the process, so I'm going to ask that they also keep me accountable for my own spiritual growth, challenging me through this season (ooo, Christian vocab word).
Unpaid internships usually need to be paired with part-time jobs, so that's the thing I worry about. Working at Pier 1 has been a lot of fun, I actually enjoy it a lot, but I'm unure how long employment lasts after the buy-stuff-in-December season ends. (don't you hate having to associate Jesus' birthday with giving gifts to everyone but Him?) The career-building/resume-sending/connect-with-employers websites are okay. Without a degree in nursing or engineering, there aren't many jobs available. There are a few positions as postal workers or typists for the state, so perhaps something like that will hold me over. I feel like I just need a short-term job where I can earn some money to save up for a car; and once I have that, I'll have mobility and I'll be independent and I'll have peace about that.
Saturday was a really cool day because I got to hang out with a bunch of people I graduated high school with, whom I hadn't seen in maybe two or three years. It was hard not to feel discouraged, though, because they're all doing real things, having graduated with real majors that led to real jobs. More (?) importantly, they've all got their own places and aren't living with their parents. Of course, some of them received cars from their parents; something I don't have the luxury of, and also something that keeps me immobilized, tied down.
I know I need this transition period, this internship, because I didn't go to school for what I'm called to do - stupid - so I am hoping to put a lot of energy and effort into mentoring and loving on the kids in my church, and learning as much as I can from this experience so I can go do it, serve where I'm called to serve on my own. I'm still on the road toward the point of decision making, and that intersection seems so far off right now.
Fighting a battle against time is stupid. However, I seem to subconciously enjoy doing that. I feel tied down, like I want to start the great adventure of my life, but I have to save up some money before doing that. I have so many friends who are serving in different ministries around the country, around the world, because they had opportunities to jump out into the unknown in faith, following God with reckless abandon. I want that. I'm crushed under the waiting for it. Hopefully I can bear this all for as long as it takes...
Now that NaNoWriMo is over (as well as No-Shave November, which I haven't personally concluded) I can do other things with the time I don't spend at work or with people. I ended at 50,062-something words, although my novel isn't near finished. I had kind of mapped out a plot in my mind, and would skip ahead to write different parts, bouncing back and forth so I wouldn't tire of a particular part of the story. Maybe I'll complete the story during next November.
Recently I read the first half of The Secret Life of Bees, recommended to me by Christine Barlow two summers back. Last night I began reading The Lord of the Rings, because this weekend a TV channel aired all three movies of the "trilogy" and I felt my brain could use some stimulation from Tolkien's adventures in language. (Writing my own wimpy book, I could see how awfully limited my own vocabulary is right now - which I attribute to only having been required to write about art during the past four years of my life)
Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. It's much more difficult to discern the call of God when I don't spend time listening. I read Brennan Manning's The Signature of Jesus, in which he described how to do a "centering prayer". It's meditative, and you do it for about twenty minutes at a time, before breakfast or dinner so your soul can connect with the hunger of your body. My problem is that I need a clean, peaceful space to do it, and my room is not in that condition at the moment. I miss the Christopher House in a time like this, because it had the chapel - small, intimate, quiet. Lined with a few chairs, stocked with diverse musical instruments for worship, and with candles always lit, it really felt like a sacred space where we as individuals or the whole fellowship could come for quiet (or loud!) time with the Lord, because that space was created specifically to meet with Him there.
Soon I'll be starting a youth ministry internship at my church, which I'm pretty ecstatic about. It makes me very glad that God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies the called. I'll make curriculums for pre-school through senior high, teach, lead events, work on communications (don't I wish I took some graphic design courses?), and learn how to administrate. My pastor and the elder in charge of youth will be mentoring me through the process, so I'm going to ask that they also keep me accountable for my own spiritual growth, challenging me through this season (ooo, Christian vocab word).
Unpaid internships usually need to be paired with part-time jobs, so that's the thing I worry about. Working at Pier 1 has been a lot of fun, I actually enjoy it a lot, but I'm unure how long employment lasts after the buy-stuff-in-December season ends. (don't you hate having to associate Jesus' birthday with giving gifts to everyone but Him?) The career-building/resume-sending/connect-with-employers websites are okay. Without a degree in nursing or engineering, there aren't many jobs available. There are a few positions as postal workers or typists for the state, so perhaps something like that will hold me over. I feel like I just need a short-term job where I can earn some money to save up for a car; and once I have that, I'll have mobility and I'll be independent and I'll have peace about that.
Saturday was a really cool day because I got to hang out with a bunch of people I graduated high school with, whom I hadn't seen in maybe two or three years. It was hard not to feel discouraged, though, because they're all doing real things, having graduated with real majors that led to real jobs. More (?) importantly, they've all got their own places and aren't living with their parents. Of course, some of them received cars from their parents; something I don't have the luxury of, and also something that keeps me immobilized, tied down.
I know I need this transition period, this internship, because I didn't go to school for what I'm called to do - stupid - so I am hoping to put a lot of energy and effort into mentoring and loving on the kids in my church, and learning as much as I can from this experience so I can go do it, serve where I'm called to serve on my own. I'm still on the road toward the point of decision making, and that intersection seems so far off right now.
Fighting a battle against time is stupid. However, I seem to subconciously enjoy doing that. I feel tied down, like I want to start the great adventure of my life, but I have to save up some money before doing that. I have so many friends who are serving in different ministries around the country, around the world, because they had opportunities to jump out into the unknown in faith, following God with reckless abandon. I want that. I'm crushed under the waiting for it. Hopefully I can bear this all for as long as it takes...
29 November 2008
05 November 2008
Hey
Hey, I just noticed an abundance of litter out in the world in general today. Now that the election's over, all those ugly signs with folks' last names on them don't count for anything. I hope the political advocates take responsibility and pack them away.
Hey, tonight there's a band playing a show at Messiah College. They are called The Psalters. Phil described them as "tribal folk crazy smelly awesome." This is something I'm looking forward to.
Hey, I found out today that Don Miller is making his super-famous book Blue Like Jazz into a movie. It seems they're looking for financial support, because the website advertises that you can become an "associate producer" and get your name in the credits at the end of the film. It's not going to follow the book exactly [since it's really a collection of essays], but it'll be about young Don struggling against his Bible belted childhood and entering into the "most godless campus in America" for higher education. I am excited about this as well.
Hey, I also just read that Jon Acuff landed a book deal for Stuff Christians Like, which I read pretty much on a daily basis. It's not supposed to come out until 2010 [oh-twelve?], but I know I'll be reading it when it's printed. Hey, be a sweetheart and support an aspiring writer by buying a copy. Booty, God, booty
Hey, speaking of aspiring writers, I'm doing this thing - it's called National Novel Writing Month [NaNoWriMo] and Wallace told me about it. You write 50,000 words during the month of November; no editing, just straight creative output. I never really wrote anything before, so I'm discovering that maybe it's not as hard as I'd thought. Using one of those baby name websites, I picked out eccentric, unisex names for all my characters. I do enjoy spending time just spouting out plot and dialogue stuff. I also like that it doesn't matter if the story is good or not, it's just about putting yourself out there and creating story. It won't all be completely fantastic, but I recommend giving it a try.
Hey, tonight there's a band playing a show at Messiah College. They are called The Psalters. Phil described them as "tribal folk crazy smelly awesome." This is something I'm looking forward to.
Hey, I found out today that Don Miller is making his super-famous book Blue Like Jazz into a movie. It seems they're looking for financial support, because the website advertises that you can become an "associate producer" and get your name in the credits at the end of the film. It's not going to follow the book exactly [since it's really a collection of essays], but it'll be about young Don struggling against his Bible belted childhood and entering into the "most godless campus in America" for higher education. I am excited about this as well.
Hey, I also just read that Jon Acuff landed a book deal for Stuff Christians Like, which I read pretty much on a daily basis. It's not supposed to come out until 2010 [oh-twelve?], but I know I'll be reading it when it's printed. Hey, be a sweetheart and support an aspiring writer by buying a copy. Booty, God, booty
Hey, speaking of aspiring writers, I'm doing this thing - it's called National Novel Writing Month [NaNoWriMo] and Wallace told me about it. You write 50,000 words during the month of November; no editing, just straight creative output. I never really wrote anything before, so I'm discovering that maybe it's not as hard as I'd thought. Using one of those baby name websites, I picked out eccentric, unisex names for all my characters. I do enjoy spending time just spouting out plot and dialogue stuff. I also like that it doesn't matter if the story is good or not, it's just about putting yourself out there and creating story. It won't all be completely fantastic, but I recommend giving it a try.
20 October 2008
Let's Make a Weekend of It
This weekend I went to Kutztown to visit some friends. It involved piercings, spending time with my man, new & old friends, "lunch meat casserole", Man on Fire, a Matt Reffie original sermon, and sushi. Getting away from the midstate for a few days was hugely rejuvenating. My life has been lacking challenges as of late, and it was a breath of fresh air to get away from home.
On Sunday morning Reffie preached on engagement - in particular, Jesus' parable on "the kingdom of heaven is like a bunch of bridesmaids waiting for their friend's groom to show up." Half of them didn't have enough fuel for their torches, so they went to the store to get some and ended up missing the party. Engagement isn't about waiting around for your wedding day, it's about preparing: calling the caterer, making hair appointments, getting facials, working out to look good in your gown [and out of it, afterward]; renting a tux, working hard, saving money, preparing a home for your bride. Jesus told His disciples that He was going to His Father's house to prepare a room for us. He's getting ready for us, His bride. Are we getting ready for Him?
That sermon was refreshingly challenging & convicting. Thanks, Cornerstone.
I spent today resting after a crazy weekend, and in studying the Word, especially in preparation for girls' small group on Wednesday. Our discussion topic is prayer. What would be your input about it?
For your listening pleasure, a beautiful snippet of a John Piper talk:
On Sunday morning Reffie preached on engagement - in particular, Jesus' parable on "the kingdom of heaven is like a bunch of bridesmaids waiting for their friend's groom to show up." Half of them didn't have enough fuel for their torches, so they went to the store to get some and ended up missing the party. Engagement isn't about waiting around for your wedding day, it's about preparing: calling the caterer, making hair appointments, getting facials, working out to look good in your gown [and out of it, afterward]; renting a tux, working hard, saving money, preparing a home for your bride. Jesus told His disciples that He was going to His Father's house to prepare a room for us. He's getting ready for us, His bride. Are we getting ready for Him?
That sermon was refreshingly challenging & convicting. Thanks, Cornerstone.
I spent today resting after a crazy weekend, and in studying the Word, especially in preparation for girls' small group on Wednesday. Our discussion topic is prayer. What would be your input about it?
For your listening pleasure, a beautiful snippet of a John Piper talk:
14 October 2008
That was good.
So, as it turns out, celebrating an anniversary can be pretty incredible. Greg and I had ours on Friday, and he came for the weekend to lavish his affection on me. I had work until 6 on Friday; I'd told him to meet me at home after that, but he decided to show up and surprise me anyway, after giving my sister a ride to work so I could switch the car over to her and he could take me home. A single red rose was on my seat in his car when I got in. When we got home, he snuck inside before me, and let me in to more roses and lit candles on the dinner table, which he set with an amazing meal of salmon, squash, rice, hummus, and olives [all my favorites!] After that, he pulled out a set of 6 straws of different colors, and I got to pick a color, which matched with the following activity for the weekend. First, he gave me some gifts - a book about relationship/communication stuff called His Needs, Her Needs, a bracelet, and a new Bible: exactly the same as my old one, but with a quality leather cover [this means I don't need to re-memorize where to find verses on pages, visually]. Best ever!! Then I got my chance to give him presents, which were a whole buncha photos from our Maine vacation that I had printed and framed, as well as a book and a worship CD. After that, we baked brownies together, and ate ice cream while watching The Never Ending Story. :-D
On Saturday I went to work while Greg drove around looking for photo opportunities. However, there were a lot of people working, so I didn't get to do anything and it was boring. Greg showed up early to pick me up and was sneaking around smelling things and making me nervous 'cause I was talking to customers. Then he took me to get sushi for dinner, we picked up Dan who'd returned from Iowa, and the rest of the evening we cleaned up our mess from Friday night and read together.
The next day, we went to be, um, teacher helpers? for the high school Sunday school class, and then went to church and after that was the first young adult group hangout time - a lunch, outside; it was fun. Helicopters can be distracting while you're eating on the deck, though. That afternoon, I napped while Greg watched a movie, and then after Nan made us dinner we went to see Fireproof, which was amazing and rather better than I'd expected. If you see it, stay for the credits; they're quite amusing.
Well, he left yesterday after taking me to work in the afternoon. Sooo, that was my fantastic weekend. Hoping to go to Kutztown next weekend, to get out of the house and see some school-type friends.
Work was actually really good today, because I had a lot to keep me busy. I'm so task-oriented!! I got to re-label lots of things, do a bunch of returns and some furniture purchases; one lady had Jesse and I taking different paintings and holding them over different tables, so she could figure out what she wanted. She was very kind about it, and we had quite an adventure going up and down ladders and trying to re-hang the canvasses. I do miss working at the Maps Department, though!!
On Saturday I went to work while Greg drove around looking for photo opportunities. However, there were a lot of people working, so I didn't get to do anything and it was boring. Greg showed up early to pick me up and was sneaking around smelling things and making me nervous 'cause I was talking to customers. Then he took me to get sushi for dinner, we picked up Dan who'd returned from Iowa, and the rest of the evening we cleaned up our mess from Friday night and read together.
The next day, we went to be, um, teacher helpers? for the high school Sunday school class, and then went to church and after that was the first young adult group hangout time - a lunch, outside; it was fun. Helicopters can be distracting while you're eating on the deck, though. That afternoon, I napped while Greg watched a movie, and then after Nan made us dinner we went to see Fireproof, which was amazing and rather better than I'd expected. If you see it, stay for the credits; they're quite amusing.
Well, he left yesterday after taking me to work in the afternoon. Sooo, that was my fantastic weekend. Hoping to go to Kutztown next weekend, to get out of the house and see some school-type friends.
Work was actually really good today, because I had a lot to keep me busy. I'm so task-oriented!! I got to re-label lots of things, do a bunch of returns and some furniture purchases; one lady had Jesse and I taking different paintings and holding them over different tables, so she could figure out what she wanted. She was very kind about it, and we had quite an adventure going up and down ladders and trying to re-hang the canvasses. I do miss working at the Maps Department, though!!
07 October 2008
What's going on?
Things becoming more constant:
Working in retail is actually pretty good. When your store is filled with luxury items and your shoppers are pleasant, upper-middle class ladies, people are happy customers. Pier 1 may be the opposite of the DMV. It smells great and makes me want to have a place of my own so I can collect glassware and decorate with incense burners and candlescapes.
Anyways, my rebellious self is grumbling and clunking like the old furnace in the basement of my heart. I should be so content, so joyful, so ecstatic with what God has given me, and yet when I see opportunities to even take a peek at other stuff, it's like I'm camping out in the parking lot at the paper mill, whose odor should make me puke. God's stuff is so much better than any of the crap I'm sniffing.
So He's called me to lead this small group for the girls in my church's youth group. I'm completely inadequate, unprepared, and unqualified to lead them in applicable Bible discussions. Let's see what He does with this...
- earning some money
- hanging out with youth group kids
- singing
- drinking tea [thank you, autumn]
- obsessively reading SCL
- wondering why the temptation to regret decisions and re-face them again is trying to squeeze into my line of vision
- wakening to some strange dreams. hm.
Working in retail is actually pretty good. When your store is filled with luxury items and your shoppers are pleasant, upper-middle class ladies, people are happy customers. Pier 1 may be the opposite of the DMV. It smells great and makes me want to have a place of my own so I can collect glassware and decorate with incense burners and candlescapes.
Anyways, my rebellious self is grumbling and clunking like the old furnace in the basement of my heart. I should be so content, so joyful, so ecstatic with what God has given me, and yet when I see opportunities to even take a peek at other stuff, it's like I'm camping out in the parking lot at the paper mill, whose odor should make me puke. God's stuff is so much better than any of the crap I'm sniffing.
So He's called me to lead this small group for the girls in my church's youth group. I'm completely inadequate, unprepared, and unqualified to lead them in applicable Bible discussions. Let's see what He does with this...
07 September 2008
I want this one
As a person entering the workforce, one of my first goals is to earn enough money to buy some sort of transportation. I'd been thinking about a Subaru, but now I'm sure.
03 September 2008
lately
So here's what I've been up to:
- balanced working and school and got a 4.0 my last semester
- graduated from Kutztown University with my BFA
- wrote these things on my resume
- had a long summer at Krislund [still fighting bitterness about that]
- went to Maine with my man and had an incredibly relaxing/fun/wonderful vacation that made up for the hardships of the summer
- now living at home, searching for a job so i can be a real person
- looking forward to being the maid of honor at [one of] my best friend's wedding in 9 days
08 January 2008
it's 2008!
Hah, this is my college graduation year. Is it a bad thing that I find people asking me, "What's next after college?" to be a mean thing to say?
It's clear that God's given me a heart for kids, but I'm in a season of figuring out what He wants me to do with that.
I think I'll spend this year cultivating a greater passion for Him and greater compassion for His people. I know I was lacking that in '07.
Why did everyone get engaged/married in 2007? Does anyone else find the overabundance of weddings [planned or taken place] a little strange?
This semester I'm looking forward to taking only one 'real' class, to having time to spend building relationships with newer friends, to working in the maps department of the library, to expanding my culinary expertise, and to getting the crap out of Kutztown University.
Oh, and LOST comes back on once more... just to torture me...
It's clear that God's given me a heart for kids, but I'm in a season of figuring out what He wants me to do with that.
I think I'll spend this year cultivating a greater passion for Him and greater compassion for His people. I know I was lacking that in '07.
Yet if you devote your heart to Him
and stretch out your hands to Him,
if you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.
Life will be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning.
You will be secure, because there is hope;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
[Job 11:13-18]
and stretch out your hands to Him,
if you put away the sin that is in your hand
and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
then you will lift up your face without shame;
you will stand firm and without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.
Life will be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning.
You will be secure, because there is hope;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
[Job 11:13-18]
Why did everyone get engaged/married in 2007? Does anyone else find the overabundance of weddings [planned or taken place] a little strange?
This semester I'm looking forward to taking only one 'real' class, to having time to spend building relationships with newer friends, to working in the maps department of the library, to expanding my culinary expertise, and to getting the crap out of Kutztown University.
Oh, and LOST comes back on once more... just to torture me...
"Kiss the crap outta that girl, Ted!!"
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