At the Table

Saturday night:  I was cooking a pretty fabulous dinner.  Chicken and mushrooms were braising slowly in a rich, garlic-peppercorn sauce.  Saffron risotto simmered along, absorbing more and more broth by the cup-full.  The smell of brownies wafted up from the oven.  Then... VOOP!  The power went out in our apartment.  The sizzling sounds quickly faded to silence upon the electric stove-top.

This would have been a gastronomic tragedy; however, our current housing above the camp kitchen permitted us to transport our pots and pans downstairs to continue cooking the meal over propane.  God bless propane.  If we have a real house someday, I so wish to have a propane stove!

The other alteration to our plans for the evening was that we ate at the table, by candlelight, over a tablecloth, with clean, cloth napkins.  Our previous plan was to put food on the coffee table and hunch over it, scarfing down dinner as we continued watching episodes of Breaking Bad.

The candlelit dinner (with a nice Zinfandel) was a much better experience for my husband and me.

Sadly, the two of us often resign ourselves to eating in front of the television.  We blame our surroundings for watching television daily (our home is very remote from friends, and it is too dang cold to play outside!); and yet we look forward to beginning school next year, since our work and new friends will keep us busy.  We also talk about how we don't want to watch television in the future when we have children, and CERTAINLY don't want to eat dinner with them in the living room.

I hope to continue the tradition of family dinners.  My parents had us stop homework or tv-watching every night to sit at the table and eat together.  They'd ask us what we learned at school ("Nooothinnggg.") and catch each other up on the events of the day.  Little did I know that this ritual was the foundation of our training as civilized persons.

In our "grain-bag society," people eat anywhere, anytime they want.  It's why we have drive-thrus at fast-food establishments.  It's why people stuff their purses with granola bars and candies.  It is this ubiquitous eating that has taken away any sign of etiquette and communal enjoyment of meals.

As you head into your Thanksgiving family get-togethers, take time to appreciate the effort put into the meal by the cook, the beautiful place-settings, and the faces of those you love.  Enjoy the conversation, in addition to all that gravy!

All this has been brought to mind because I've been doing a little reading about etiquette.  A very convincing. witty book by Judith Martin has been causing me to consider the implications of a "grain-bag society," and how I'd rather implement solid training-in-eating to my future children (forks and knives, not fingers).  Read on for your enlightenment and amusement:

A Season of Learning about Parenting, it seems

Each day I run into parents with kids in public, I become more grateful to the parents I know here in Kutztown [as well as to my own!]  who discipline their children.

I spent three-quarters of an hour at a large-scale retailer today, hoping to replenish my supply of argyle socks [with some success!], and whilst perusing the toothpaste department, I heard a sort of squealing and fierce screaming and intense whining/complaining.  The banter came from at least 10 aisles down from where I stood.  The volume of the screaming increased as I made my way toward the registers; it didn't sound as though the small demon even stopped to take a breath.  I expected to see perhaps a 24 to 30-month old toddler, very upset about not getting his or her own way; clutching to some junky item the parent didn't want to buy.

But no!

I saw a child that looked about 4 or 5 years old, lying on the floor, with a grandmotherly-looking woman pulling her by the arm to drag her squeaking sneakers across the linoleum.

Oh, it was awful.  And the screaming did not end.

I've gotten used to small-child-screaming from my landlady's toddler.  She screams when she doesn't get her way, or she'll become upset when she's caught doing something wrong, but usually she's done and over it within five to fifteen minutes.

This kid at the store kept screaming.  Grandma swung the kid up into her arms and had to carry the kicking & screaming beast out the front door.  Everyone in the area stared, but the child felt no shame in assaulting her grandmother to get her own way.

I wished the cashier a good day and went out to see a very, very angry woman [the Mom?] tell off the little banshee for her bad behavior.  This resulted in even louder screaming, to be heard by patrons of every business in the plaza parking lot.

I could see very clearly that the child was used to getting her own way, to wearing down the adults with personal-behavior-terrorism until she received what she wanted from them.  She had no fear of the adults.  She understood the anger, and felt upset by this, but there was no repentance for the awful behavior.  There was no, "Sorry mom, I was a real brat in the store.  Will you forgive me?"

So anyways, I'm real grateful to the parents who give their kids choices, to do as they're told or to face the consequences [be that a timeout, sent to bed without dinner, a spanking, more chores, etc].  They'll grow up to be socially functioning teenagers and adults.  The brats who complain til they get their way will probably become mean girls and dbag frat dudes.

I can see so clearly that a healthy fear of discipline leads to respect & obedience toward the parent. I understand that not all parents punish corporately, but my friends with the best behaved kids happen to do so.  It's no longer the day of, "Boy, bring me a switch!"  But the fear of The Wooden Spoon seems to drive kids toward more gracious behavior and more of love through actions in serving & obeying their parents.

So, mom & dad, thanks for spanking me when I deserved it.

wealth

i see a t.v. preacher promoting his 'financial breakthrough bible' and the 'four miracles god will release into your life'. before that, he proclaimed God's coming judgement on the u.s. for its inappropriate sex and abortion.

i look once more at this man, shouting into his microphone, wearing a great big red silk tie, an enormous gold ring on his finger, and an expensive-looking suit that covers his enormous body.

my confession:  i eat more than my body needs.  it's true.  where in my caloric intake does ice cream play a part in aiding the nutrition of my body?  it does not.  i call myself out: i'm a sinner who eats more than i need to.

the increasing reality of americans' obsession with food can be clearly seen in their volume.  cars become suvs [for suburban commuters] to accomodate the size of passengers.  rollercoasters now boast rows of larger seats for their guests.  tv channels that once provided science education now air programs about 800+ pound persons' addictions to take-out, their bed-bound lives, their gastric bypass surgeries, and their deaths.

it is easy to point out obese people and their obvious problem: food addiction.  but we must think on our own selves as well.  how much are we eating?  what money are we spending frivolously that could be used to help the poor - as Jesus asks us to?

if one person who purchases a cup of coffee three to four times a week gives up the java and puts that money towards a poor child; that person could sponsor a kid in africa for his or her education, healthcare, food and more... for years.

Jesus calls us to love God and love our neighbor.  more specifically, He calls us to do three things to honor God:  pray, give, fast.  i admit, i struggle to do all three of those.  it may be difficult because of the implications our western society puts on us as its citizens, fueling our selfish, sinful nature.

1. pray - prayer constitutes the simple act of quieting the mind and communing with God. listening to Him, and speaking with Him [beyond asking for trivial things & saying thanks for dinner].  how do we achieve quiet?  put down the crackberry, hush the tweeting, log off of facebook.  turn off the mobile phone, step outside, lie down in the grass and be quiet.  do that for more than 10 minutes and find out how much you hear.

2. give - God wants us to take care of the misfortunate because it brings honor to His name.
  instinct tells us that the man on the street asking for change will use it the next minute to buy booze or crack.  does Jesus ask us to judge what he'll do with that money?  if we're honest with ourselves, as much as we think we work hard to "earn" money, we can't deny that God gave us the skills... and provided education... and put us in the job... and He's the one who truly earned us our paychecks.  the earth is the Lord's, and everything in it.  even two dollars in your pocket belongs to God - let His will be done when we give to strangers.

3. fast - this one is the most oft ignored among american Christ-followers.  we don't think about *not* eating, mostly because we have in our country a ridiculous abundance of food.  God spoke to the prophet isaiah, telling him that He wants a fast that's pure - a heart that wants to give up food so it can give that food to the hungry.  He says if we do this, "then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear.  then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."  awesome, awesome things happen when we choose the righteous path.  what's holding us back?

deterioration of the fight or flight response

  Fight or flight.  It's what we've been told.  We're expected to do it.  Instinct, as they say.

And you can't say you haven't ever made the subconscious choice and done one or the other or (likely) both.  We're humans; we're confronted; our hearts are put on the line.  A situation arises and that slow burn comes upon our hearts, fueling anger or confusion - pushing us to counter the problem strongly or leave it and run away, hoping to clear our heads and forget it all.

And it can happen any time...

When folks start talking dissenting politics, it's likely a person will argue or leave the room.

At that breaking point, when your most important relationship is under attack, what do you do?  Fight the flesh?  Fight the wife or the husband or the best friend?  Or do you run?  Do you even look back behind you?

We're all succumbed to fighting.  We've all flown off, as well.  It's instinct.  It's human nature.  It's our flesh taking action for us.





But what does the heart say?


Our hearts know that malignant situations come upon us, and that we should solve them rationally, not hurting the other person or thing involved.  We should take time; figure things out.

So, how do we fight the instinct?

Could I do it by myself?

Certainly not.

Without the help and the drive of a perfect person, it's impossible.

How grateful, then, are we to be that the very Spirit of God rests within us.  The very Spirit that can cause mountains to crack & crumble into pieces lives inside you and inside me to calm our inner storms.  He brings us peace & serenity.

His presence moves us not to fight anymore.  We don't have to run away; we run only to Him.

The temptation to lean on our own selves for understanding is, of course, strong and with us.

But we can choose to fall on Him.

We fight and flee no more. 

Two things

There are two things I wish all Americans would do. The world's cost of food has been rising because North Americans have been using corn for non-food purposes. If I could broadcast myself in the national media, I would ask folks to:

1. Stop using corn-based ethanol to fuel your cars. Sure, it may be a tiny bit more environmentally sound, but it still pollutes and it's wasting food that could be used to feed hungry kids in Africa/Asia/South America. Carpool. Ride a bike. Take a hike.

2. Eat less meat. It takes 5 months of feeding a pig 8 pounds of feed per day to get it to full size - 265 pounds. (http://www.pork4kids.com). 1200 pounds of food (say, corn) create only 265 pounds of meat (less the inedible parts of the animal). Those 1200 pounds of corn can feed a LOT more people than ~265 pounds of pork. Additionally, more energy and vitamins & nutrients are absorbed through eating corn - because the pig has already digested & used much of that energy by the time you get to eating the pork. Seriously, beans & rice will save the world. If we allow it.

Every day, I'm more and more appalled by the wasteful gluttony I see here in this country. I may just learn Spanish and move to a monastery in Peru.

On a more fun note, my friend Matthew has made a fun video to share:

One

of the points that Donald Miller makes in his book, Through Painted Deserts, is that too often our culture focuses on answering "how" questions, because they're easier and allow us to be selfish and self-sufficient. How questions seek to fulfill personal goals for personal fulfilment. "How can I get a job? How can I make more money?" Why questions actually require some thought and some selflessness. "Why am I here? Why is there pain in the world? Why does color exist?"

Don said he'd ask, "What is beauty?" and receive the answer "Here are 5 steps to a successful marriage". How questions are at surface level, prone to easy answers. Asking why makes us smaller, makes us a part of the story of creation, not the protagonist of it.

So some women's health magazine periodically sends me emails. I received one today with a list of good resolutions to make for this new year. Various general, non-compelling ideas such as to read books recommended to you by former English teachers, to wear more colors for an attempt at a (false) positive attitude, etc. One said the following:

"Stop with the why-ning. "Why?" is a perfectly lovely question coming from a toddler, but not from you. Why am I stuck in this stupid job? Why don't I have a better boyfriend? A better question: "How?" How do I get a better job, a better guy?"

Oh how right Mr. Miller is about our culture and our simple seeking for simple answers. I resolve this year to dig deeper.

Oh, and I'm also going to start flossing.